I spent most of yesterday on airplanes and at one point, my flight experienced some turbulence so I had to put away “all electronic equipment,” which left me with the option of reading the “Please use seat belt at all times while seated” message on the back of the chair in front of me or leafing through the Sky Mall catalog. I chose the catalog and boy howdy, am I glad I did! I had no idea of the plethora of information in those pages. Here’s just a few golden nuggets I discovered:

1. I’m supposed to have more than one sponge in my kitchen at a time. Yes, sadly, I must admit I only use one sponge. But Sky Mall has this handy-dandy two tiered sponge rack to keep your “good” sponge (the one you use for washing your dishes) away from your “evil” sponge (which is supposed to be used for washing pet dishes and other non-human-food-related activities.) I didn’t even realize sponges had personalities. My poor sponge is conflicted and never told me.

2. The man in my life must have jerky! And not just any jerky. Low fat beef jerky, which makes the perfect gift for Valentines Day. And Sky Mall’s got me covered. Next year, honey. Just you wait…

3. I can look uber-cool and stay comfy all the time in a poncho with a pillow built into its hood. I think I’ll get the zebra print model for extra fashion points.

4. Laser treatment can giveth, and laser treatment can taketh away. Sky Mall has several gadgets with built in lasers, intended to rejuvenate your scalp and make thinning hair grow thicker. Some even come with MP3 players so you can listen to music during treatment. Then of course, there are other gadgets with built in lasers for hair removal. No music, though, which makes me a little bit sad for those of us looking to dance while we depilitate. Either way, I sense a vicious circle brewing.

5. I can turn my bathroom into a spa with colored water. Forget manicures, pedicures, and hot rock massages. Nothing says “spa” like water falling out of your shower head in a rainbow of colors. The “magic showerhead” doesn’t need electricity or batteries to transform dull clear water into one of seven colors: white, yellow, orange, green, blue, red, and purple. According to the item description the red is “like a traffic light.” Well, thank goodness! We all need more red traffic lights in our lives, don’t we? A gentle reminder to stop what we’re doing for sixty seconds to let someone else have a turn. No better place than a shower for that.

If you’d like more information on any of these products or want to order them, you should have your head examined. But you don’t have to wait until your next flight to spend money on useless items. Just go to SkyMall.com and buy, buy, buy!

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