I’ve always considered envy a “wasted” emotion. What’s the point? It makes you feel miserable about yourself, miserable about the person you envy, and miserable about your future. We see someone prettier, thinner, more successful, wealthier, or smarter as a threat, rather than an inspiration. Envy should be an incentive, a reason to propel you into improving whatever you find lacking in you.

Yet, time and again, I’ve watched women tear other women down. “She’s so skinny–she’s probably bulimic,” “I don’t understand what he sees in her,” or even, “Her hair is gorgeous. I freakin’ hate her.”

As a gender, we’re often too insecure, too competitive, too proud, and too ruled by our emotions. Lots of our envy stems from our caveman days, when we had to be the best to attract the best hunter/gatherer/warrior to care for us and our families. But that was a long time ago, ladies. It’s time to give up the loathing and appreciate that women you know and don’t know are breaking barriers, living happy lives, and becoming confident, successful leaders.

Don’t belittle them. Join them. Be one. Celebrate when your friends (or enemies) achieve a victory. Rather than ask, “Why her and not me?” use her triumph to spur you on to your own. And maybe, when you have your crowning moments, they’ll be there to cheer with you.That’s what friendship really means, kids.

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